Jennifer McCann came all the way from Ohio to teach the Florida Keys Quilters this weekend. I spent yesterday in her class and she was fabulous. It was all about color vs value and was really informative. She also showed us how to draft a pattern like she does for these wonderful animals. Wow. I am attempting the rhino.

And, speaking of quilting, here is my mum putting the binding on my quilt for me. What a picture! Thanks, Mom!

 "If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours."
Henry David Thoreau
Guess what?  I made my VERY FIRST SALE!  Woo hoo! I sold three bags. This one on the right that I took to the Red Hat luncheon today and two that will be made to order.

Marisa, the leader of this online class I'm taking said the other day that we don't have to wait for success, money, etc., to experience and project a certain sense of confidence, strength and ease in what we do. Today I felt like I was embracing my vulnerabilities and feeling the kind of energy that makes everything work better and attracts success and achievement. Don't know if that makes sense to you all but I reiterate: woo hoo!

So, my sister Becky showed up last night with a BIG surprise: My niece Ryder!!! And, my mom is the one taking this first picture! I picked Mom and Dad up at the Ft. Lauderdale airport yesterday afternoon. Becky drove their doggy, Rose, down in their van and Ryder came along as a wonderful surprise.

Next is Mummy and Daddy having their lunch and below, Dad floats in the pool with Sophie.

Onward and Upward!

Ok, moving along, I got my hair cut yesterday and here I am. And, do you know what I title this picture?  Portrait of an Artist.

Yup, that's right. Yesterday, I had a sort of "aha moment" (such an over-used term, sorry, let's make that "epiphany".) But let me back up... (cue swirly music and blurry picture that means you are going back in time.)  So, I enrolled in a six week class given by artist extraordinaire, Marisa Haedke. I've linked her here to the right. Woohoo, another first for me. The class is "In The Fish Bowl:: LIFE AS AN ARTIST Online : AN E-COURSE."  The course deals with how to make a living, market yourself, and maneuver as an artist online while staying true to who you are. So, yesterday, I was listening to the second class online and Marisa was talking about soul searching and being clear and making a list of your qualities and knowing your intention. Good exercises for me, that's for sure as I am often unsure of my good qualities but can rattle off quite a few of the not so good ones. Anyhoo, I had been feeling kind of like an outsider when she referred to her students as artists and maybe sort of a phony for even signing up for a class with the title Life as an Artist, and I realized Hey! I AM an artist! I am able, by virtue of imagination and talent and skill to create works of aesthetic value. I love to make and design and sew beautiful things. And, I believe that the key to a life of fulfillment, joy and abundance is to focus on what you can create and give to the world. Not what you can get but what you can give. Does that make sense?

Now, you might wonder why I am posting a picture of myself, because I rarely do. Well, you can thank Marisa for that as well. She says our blog presence needs to be more transparent, and a photo on our blog is part of that. So, until I get a better pic, here it is. I have a bunch of other tasks as well for this week but all in good time. Right now, I'm going to my artist's studio to sew!

So, I went up to Miami yesterday and signed the 31 pages of the divorce settlement. It made me sick. This has all been a game to him, to see how much he could wear me down and come away a winner. I hear he has been telling family members that I came out ahead in this settlement. HE IS A LIAR. I am the winner overall though. Because I have my dignity and integrity intact and I have the love of family and friends. Yay for me! So, now a date with a judge and then I will be legally divorced. Hard to believe, isn't it?

I drove right back to Key Largo and had a margarita at the 'Zard (Buzzard's Roost to those not in the know.)

I'm going up to Miami to sign the divorce agreement papers this morning.

So, I thought this was interesting. I came across this article on The Huffington Post. This is CRAZY. She could be me writing about my husband. (And, how boring of him to be such the stereotype of a poster child for the childish narcissistic middle aged man.) This is from an article by Erica Manfred.

"Dumping someone is certainly an act of fear, aggressiveness and symbolic violence. When an individual dumps a partner he expresses narcissistic rage comparable to a child's temper tantrum," explains sociologist Catherine B. Silver, in an essay in Cut Loose; edited by Nan Bauer-Maglin. This is the difference between men who are simply unfaithful but want to stay in the marriage and men who find someone else and dump their wives--the act of aggression. Why are some men so cruel? It's all about neediness. He needs you to admire and approve of him, but hates himself for having these unacceptable, "unmanly" needs. Men see us on some level as their mothers and when mommy lets them down they get mad, especially if their actual mommies let them down when they were kids. My ex's mom let him down big time by totally ignoring his emotional needs. I was supposed to take mommy's place and be the big tit, but I fell down on the job. When men hit middle age this internal conflict intensifies because they see that most of their life is over and they're never going to get whatever it was they wanted from mommy, i.e admiration, unconditional love. They direct their hatred at us, their longtime wife/mommy combo, because they're so dependent on us. Finding a new love cuts the umbilical cord. Of course the same pattern repeats with the new love, but by that time the marriage is long over.

"Infidelity is harder on women, who are more vulnerable to feelings while men are a law unto themselves," explains psychoanalyst Simone Sternberg. "Men don't allow themselves to empathize with women's suffering. It's too threatening. Also underneath male supposed indifference or even hostility is self-hate which they project onto the wife. They can't afford to empathize or they'll have to experience the full force of that emotion." This went a long to way to explain his cruelty.  (My husband has never apologized or showed any empathy for my suffering.)

Unfaithful husbands--even husbands who have always been loving-- can be inexplicably brutal. The incongruence between you makes it all worse. He's already found a new partner, and doesn't feel the loss of the marriage. You, on the other hand, are shattered, terrified of the future and collapsing on friends and relatives. His happiness is the unkindest cut of all. He's already detached from you, or is in the process of detaching, which makes him excruciatingly insensitive. For us older women this scenario is even more painful, since the departing husband has found love, usually with a younger woman, and we know that we're unlikely to do the same--our years of prime sexual attractiveness are over and available men will be few and far between at our age. I was furious that my husband waited so long to leave when he insisted he'd been unhappy since day one. Then why hadn't he left on day two when I was young enough to find another partner? 

OK, so I just had to share that and back to the pretty pictures tomorrow...

It was awfully quiet around my house this morning. I said good-bye to my beloved nephew, Nat and sisterfriend, Sarah and my sweet babies, Genevieve and Seth yesterday amid downpours and flooding. It was a good time--short but sweet. And wet.

This was the rainy view from my lanai

So, just a little project for today. Spent most of the day riding my bike. I wonder if my red hat friends would be interested?

Fun-filled days

Saturday we went to the art fair in the morning. Check out the cool dude.
And, to Denny's for a cuban lunch. The waiter says, I show you the fresh fish and out comes a gorgeous whole yellowtail snapper, presented to the table for our approval. So, Nat and I ordered the fish plus rice and beans and plantains. I figured they would fillet it, cook it and serve it up. But noooooooooooo. We each got a giant whole fish - here is Nat with his. I have to say it was rather daunting to eat, especially with the huge gaping eye socket . . . We went home and spent the afternoon in the pool.

 

 So, yesterday was a full day:  Theater of the Sea in the morning, a visit to the giant lobster for a hot dog lunch (is that an oxymoron?) and an afternoon of paddleboarding.

 Genevieve and Seth and Zia meet Clover, the parrot.

Here's me in training mode . . . haha just kidding . . .

 Seth decides he would prefer NOT to pat a dolphin.

G and S visit the giant lobster

 and, an early bedtime after all the excitement of the day.

Oh happy day!

Spent yesterday morning working on Florence's tutu (success!) and spent the afternoon making Bahamian Mac and Chee (yum!) because four of the lights in my life are visiting me for the long weekend.  I am one happy Zia!

 Seth, Mr. Politeness himself, wipes his mouth after breakfast. Princess Genevieve graces us with her presence.

Sarah brought the bag I made for her so here is a shot of it. I used the last little remnants of my Heather Ross mermaid fabric to make the border and pocket. Cute, right?

We are off to Art Under the Oaks this morning, lots of swimming later.  Cheers!

A brand new day

So, last night I watched a beautiful mackerel sky change colors as the sun went down, ate about 6 pounds of chocolate covered almonds, took a sleeping pill and went to bed at 9:00. Of course, since the girls had an early walk last night, their little bladders woke them (and me) up at 5:30 this morning. oy vey I cannot catch a break!

In keeping with breaking that old pattern of resistance to the present moment, I plan to step out of the past today, ignore the future, and do some serious sewing. My friend, Florence, needs a pink tutu so I'd better get busy! (Seriously. She is putting together a pink flamingo costume.)

 If
by Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it . . .

My husband signed the divorce papers today. This is good news. So, why can't I stop crying?

So, I feel like quite the social butterfly these days, flitting off to Our Lady of Perpetual Mimosas for brunch,

 taking a canoe trip through the mangrove creeks, where I got the Cleopatra seat! Doesn't get much better than THAT. Water aerobics, sewing, lunch with those wacky red hats, 

  more sewing, hospital auxillary meeting, tai chi, baby shower, sewing,. And, all in one day! No, just kidding;, more like a week. And, that doesn't count my trips up to the UofM for more tests, a sublime day with Lu and Tom, The movies with David and G (saw True Grit and it was really great,) coffee with Norka and more sewing!

Woohoo!!

Winter wonderland

This is what my little town in Maine looks like today.  Zoiks!

http://www.mainecoastbookshop.com/webcam2.html

Here and now in 2011

I have been examining my life in this time of reflection of the year past and the year to come.

Some of you know my greatest challenge is to be present in the moment and shut out the constant what ifs and why me, rehashing the past over and over and over ad infinitum in my head.  This has not been easy for me. 

So, I wrote this long blog entry about my goals for the new year being about letting go of the past and forgiveness and I have read and reread it and you know what? It may be cathartic to write about how I have been wronged and how I am going to try to forgive but I realized it deals with the past and the future. Doh!  I love what Eckhart Tolle says about this:

FORGET ABOUT YOUR LIFE SITUATION and pay attention to your life. Your life situation exists in time. Your life is now. Your life situation is mind-stuff. Your life is real.

So, I am not going to tell you about my accomplishments in 2010 nor about my disappointments. (Have I not gone into them enough!?) It is all mind-stuff. Instead I will tell you that when I am creating, when I am sewing or drawing or writing or singing, I am in the present moment.  So here's to more of the creative and less of the self flagellation or playing the blame game. And, who knows, maybe 2011 will be the year I put my creative skills to work for me. I am offering a few of my quilts for sale at Dr. Lu's offices. This is a big step for me. I've never sold any of my work but now I think it could be the start of something wonderful.     Here they are:

And, here are a few of the bags I've been working on. Another backpack - I think I just about have it perfected now . . . 

 This is one of Heather Bailey's cute patterns. I am loving the ruffles

 Just finished this one,  a bag I thought my mom might like - might be too pastel-y though. We shall see...

 So that's all for now; I am off to my studio for some now time.