I live my life to a soundtrack.  Enya before sleep. Deva Premal in the middle of the night. Singing to the girls when I open my eyes in the morning to the tails beating on the closet doors (rise and shine and give dog that glory glory or we're all in our places with bright furry faces). Virgil Flowers or Lucas Davenport in my earbuds while I take a walk, Morning Edition with my coffee and breakfast, The Takeaway while I get ready for work, The Diane Rehm Show or WCLZ when I'm on my way. If I'm working at home, Talk of the Nation, Speaking in Maine, Fresh Air, The World, All Things Considered. WBach all evening.

Overtop of this cacophony: my thoughts. My out of control thoughts. My not to be drowned out thoughts. What did they talk about on the radio today? I don't know. I didn't hear but every tenth word. My quest for life in the moment? Not.

NOTE:

So, Friday my affirmation reads, I practice forgiveness daily so that I am free to move beyond the past into the present moment.  And yesterday, I bless the past with love, take a deep breath, and move gently into the new. Today, it's Spiritual growth means that I start the forgiveness process. I love the feeling of freedom when I let go of my 'stuff'. Think the Universe is trying to tell me something? Jeezum

Today is the beginning of the Quilt Along with Michele Foster from Canada. This one is called, Aiming for Accuracy, because of all the points. Here is hers:  

It will take 16 sessions, going into October. I have no idea if I'll be able to keep up but I like the idea of it and I think I'll give it a shot. After all, I'm only 10 days behind right now. sigh  Listening to the Paul Parent Garden Club as I write this, catching about every word in ten. 

One day I have a luna moth at my window, the next day it's a slug.  Kind of a metaphor for life, no?

So crazy but I have the heat on this morning! Barely 60 degrees when the girls and I woke up to this foggy rainy morning.

rainy day walk with the girls

A luna moth visited us right before bedtime last night. One can certainly see how J.M. Barrie dreamed up Tinker Bell.

Especially in this third shot. wow

* * * * * * * 

And, I say hooray for the defeat of DOMA! So, to all the haters out there:  Why shouldn't same sex couples have the right to be married? They should be allowed to be just as miserable as you are.

Wicked hot yesterday, so off I went to Rockland for some air conditioned errands in the morning, a stop at Dorman's Dairy Dream for an ice cream - a mainstay in Rockland for over 60 years - and home to the Lake. The girls and I spent the afternoon swimming and the evening losing power on and off while some pretty good thunderstorms swept through, just in time to cool things off for bedtime.

Not sure why the traffic cones . . . crowd control?

come on in, the water's great!

shelter from the (scary) storm -
ideal place appears to be between sofa and coffee table

3 h's

hazy hot and humid

Maine has finally caught up to the rest of the country and was sizzling yesterday - it was 90 degrees in my cottage in the afternoon and the girls and I slept with three fans last night. I felt so dull witted from the heat, I couldn't even sew and mowing the lawn laid me right out. Mos def NOT the way life should be. It is forecast to be just as hot today and tomorrow. The good news is the Lake is right outside the door and we're taking full advantage of it. So grateful for THAT!

* * * * * * * *

Happy Birthday, Josh!

19 years old today!

State of mind

I celebrated the solstice last night - ok I know I'm a day late - with a little skinny dip in my absolutely frigid lake and then raced up to the cottage in a cloud of mosquitoes. Quite a visual, right? haha  The weather in Maine is going to crack 80 degrees tomorrow, so the water should warm up fairly quickly now and I'm looking forward to getting out in my kayak. Here are five things I'm loving on this Sunday morning before I have to go to work:

1.  new socks - yeah!

2.  In Tune by Ten with Sara Willis. In my mind, the sound track of Maine, the way life should be. 

3.  The geese and their babies parading by in the fog

4.  KT Tunstall's new album - don't know the name but it's great!

5.  Cheesy eggs; had them this morning and love them because the name, cheesy eggs, reminds me of my little niece and nephew, Genevieve and Seth.

* * * * * * 

Happy to say I am almost finished detoxing from the antidepressants. The physical side effects have been pretty horrible but are mostly diminished. Emotionally, well I'm struggling a bit, but as the brain fog lifts I find I can remember the past without that clenched spasm of grief. The echoes are still there but I can remember all I've lost with sadness, accept the tragedy as my own and live with it. As you can see, my failed marriage still occupies a corner of my mind but I know that one day it will no longer be a part of my psyche. So, that sounds pretty healthy, right? The unhealthy part appears  to be the crushing hatred I feel toward my former husband that I can't seem to let go of. I guess that will go in time. Or, if he were to drop dead.  That would be good. 

that is all

Alone again and getting busy on an order from The Muse in Frederick, Maryland. I've linked them in my fave places to the right. Love that shop! I'm making six little cosmetic bags and here is one using my new orange oilcloth. Sweet!

And, here is something right out of a horror movie. I mean, run inside and lock the doors! The pine pollen is coming, the pine pollen is coming!! Looked outside and there it lurked, closing in on my cottage, reminiscent of The Blob, 1958 . . .

Steve Andrews: Dave! Doc Hallen's been killed!

Lieutenant Dave: Doc Hallen? What happened?

Steve Andrews: It's over at his place! You've gotta come now!

Lieutenant Dave: Now wait a minute, Steve. Tell us what happened.

Steve Andrews: I'm trying to tell you - now this thing has killed the Doc.

Sgt. Jim Bert: Well what was it? Out with it, kid!

Steve Andrews: Well it's kind of a - kind of a mass. It keeps getting bigger and bigger.

Lieutenant Dave: Come on, Steve, make sense.

Steve Andrews: I know, I know! Look, Dave, you gotta see this thing to believe what I'm telling you.

Sgt. Jim Bert: Maybe this thing you saw was a - monster?

Steve Andrews: Yeah, maybe it was. I don't know.

Lu blew thru

Lu blew thru like the wind, leaving yesterday after breakfast at Moody's diner and giving Anna and me an acupuncture tune-up.

Most of our day was taken up with sewing. Anna finished up these cute little turtles from a Heather Bailey pattern,

and here she is working on her own pattern of batik prayer flags. I'm so proud of her sewing skills. She has become a competent sewist and I love that she loves it like I do.

Well, guess who showed up on my doorstep yesterday?  Lu!!  So happy to lay my eyes on her, especially as she came bearing lobstah!  Here she is at the sink, hypnotizing the lobsters before they take the plunge.

standing on their heads, entranced

Maine Sue came over for suppah and she and Anna ate chicken (by request) while Lu and I feasted on our lobstah. Oh, was it good! We played the Best Game in the World with our dessert - strawberry rhubarb pie, thank you Sue!

And, here is Lu this morning, checking her mail and lounging with the girls.

My birthday was bright and beautiful and Anna and I went over to Alewives Fabrics, one of my absolute fave fabric stores in the whole wide world. Full of inspiration and the most fabulous fabric. Easy to get lost for hours in Alewives.
It was great to see owner, Rhea and meet her new baby, Berte, just up from his nap and how adorable are they?!

 We took the long way home, around the Lake and stopped up at Bunker Hill for the view. So gorgeous.

And yesterday, Anna and I went in to town to Crissy's for breakfast where we endured a 45 minute wait and had a pretty good breakfast.  hmmmm  Not exactly high praise. I think they are adjusting to the summer crowd starting to come into town because it was hopping yesterday. I trust they'll streamline operations pretty soon. We'll wait and see.

Today is my birthday! And I'm feeling pretty good about it. Had a restless night with horrid nightmares but happy to say not one of them was about my husband!! It is a rare night that I don't dream about him so I will take that as a good omen for the future.
I think the nightmares were from the absolutely decadent dinner Anna and I had at King Eider's Pub last night. Yes, my niece is here for 5 days and that is the best birthday gift of all! She was the designated driver so I got to have a margarita with my steamers and on the way home, a double rainbow kept us company almost the whole way. Wow! I'd show you a picture but I took the pictures with my phone and do not have the cable to transfer them blah blah so stay tuned . . . In the meantime, here is the sunset from my dock. And, can I just say how grateful I am for my little piece of paradise on the Lake? Rest assured I never take it for granted.

In other news, I would like to introduce you to my new bestie, LaToya! She is big, strong, beautiful and my new BFF. Here I am giving her a big ol' hug in front of my sister's house:

LaToya is a Toyota Prius V and I just love her so much!  So, the girls and I will have a little extra leg room on our adventures from now on. (That is, when I break down and let them actually get in to my nice clean brand new car. hmmmm)

rainy day project

Maybe I was thinking about Brynne and Bo's new baby because I pulled out the pictures of some of my other grandbabies and then thought hmmmmmmmmm. I have this cute table with a ruined top that sits next to my chair so I sanded it down and headed to town. Had lunch with my friend, Sue, and stopped at the copy place to make black and white copies of my pictures.

 I copied three to a page and after cutting and placing and cutting and changing and changing and changing . . .

 I got out the Mod Podge and started gluing them down.

 Then glued the next layer down and voila. It will need one more layer of Mod Podge and then I'll get a clear spray fixative to make it waterproof.

 Here is the side. I think those are Genevieve's cute little feet. Can't remember for sure . . .

I call it my memory table. Sophie calls it a waste of time, as I could have been paying attention to her instead.

Introducing Michael Edwards

My newest grand-nephew was born yesterday (number 9). Isn't he just so lovely?

Party for Anna

My sister throws an awesome party. The table was beautiful. There were pink personalized napkins as well and she made the little favor boxes shown, and filled them with the most amazing little chocolates. 

look at this fabulous bread - tasted as good as it looked

Not too old to sit on dad's lap, where she opened presents

And, can I just say that my lovely brother-in-law is the sweetest person ever and has the patience of a saint and we all know it. He is already having separation anxiety for when Anna goes to college so we all must be extra nice to him.

Leslie and Mom in the kitchen - that is baked salmon with avocado sauce. It was to die for.

brother from another planet

wacky daddy

And, these desserts. OMG Leslie cut them up so we could all have a taste of each one. Divine decadence really. 

So, I made the trek south to my sister and bro-in-law's house yesterday to celebrate my niece's high school graduation. My dad and nephew, Will, were at home when I got here and then my mm turned up after a couple of days away at her 60th! college reunion, and when Leslie and Tom and the new graduate got home, we had a FABU Indian take-out dinner from Khushboo. So Good.

It is sweet to be with my family, to be myself, to know they love me in spite of that.

 Here is little G, doubled in size since I was last here.

Love this picture of my mom sharing her pictures of the reunion with my dad. I cut his legs off in the picture because he insists on wearing the ugliest beige socks with his boat shoes. Zoiks, Daddy, stop it! 

So, here I am in my fave hotel Element, without my little monsters. Imagine my bliss - no late night walk, no little wet noses at 5:30am. ahhhhhhhh life is good. 

Tonight, we're having a party to celebrate Anna. My sister is cooking and there will be chocolate involved. howza! 

Congratulations to Anna

My beautiful niece, Anna, graduated from high school today. She is the sweetest, smartest, most caring person and really, everybody who knows her loves her. She makes it so easy. 

I have not had a moment to write anything because - YAY! - my mother and daddy were visiting me. It was a whirlwind visit but good times. Here are a few pictures for your perusal.

On Monday, we visited mom's college roommate, Marty, at her beautiful new old house in Lincolnville. Great fixer upper and I was quite envious for such a project - peek of the ocean from the windows. Really lovely. We went to Belfast, LOVE Belfast, for lunch and a little shopping. This is actually a 3-panel screen to hide the kitchen in Darby's where we had lunch. Sweet! We went to Fiddleheads and drooled over the fabric (Marty and I think alike so I loved everything she chose) and Yo Mama's Home for an oilcloth fix. Such a fun shop. 

On Tuesday, we went to look at the alewives, who are just about finished spawning so not too many of them. But it was a beautiful day and we walked up to the top of the fish ladder. Then, King Eiders Pub - shout out! - for oysters and then a little shopping in Damariscotta. So yesterday, off to the Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens because it is just. so. gorgeous. right now. Here are the parental units posing in front of the Garden of the Five Senses.

Cute kitty fence in the Children's Garden, and I missed my little great nieces and nephews who always have such fun here.

 We walked a forest path to see the hundreds of Lady Slippers in bloom. These are two rare albino ones. You really must go to the Gardens.

 The rhododendrons are sublime.

Mom and friend in the drying shed.

And lastly, I'd like to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my Dad today. 

Lots of love from your eldest, Daddy! May you enjoy many more.