I am so lucky to live in such a warm caring loving community here. My friends and acquaintances mobilize whenever anyone needs help and when Lucy dislocated her hip yesterday, they sprung into action. Gloria with her loving hands, Lu directing the action, Malea with those healing hands adjusting, manipulating, activating and then some accupuncture to top it all off, Tom with his brute strength carrying her up and down the stairs. Lucy is stiff today but on the move and for that I am profoundly grateful.

I've been feeling pretty good about the holiday season this year, feeling tough, feeling like I'm handling it, like it's nothing, shake it off, just another day, when I realize I'm a bit cranky (ok maybe more than a bit) and a little depressed (ok maybe a little more than a little) and ok, I'm crying and stressed out but it's just situational. Well, yeah, it's freaking Christmas again and I hate it.

Time marches on but I feel like I'm stuck in this crazy purgatory. It's been four years now, four Christmases, time to move on, but here I am waiting for things to get back to "normal" and they're never going to be that kind of normal again, not the way I knew it. No use gnashing teeth and shaking fists at the sky, shrieking, "I want my old life back." Ain't gonna happen. Ever. Never ever.

So, I go through the motions, smiling and nodding and pretending, hoping if I act it long enough, it'll be true.

Maybe next year I'll go on a cruise.

Today I am filled with gratitude for everything in my life.

Especially this.

(not to rub it in or anything . . . )

7-DAY FORECAST

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My December affirmation says, "Grateful thoughts attract more delicious experiences to be grateful about. I keep in mind that thankful, appreciative words will bring smiles to everyone I meet. I let this last month of the year be a gift of love and joy that I share with the world. After all, the love, gratitude, and thankfulness I give out will always return to me multiplied."

I can see that once again I've slipped into the poor poor pitiful me way of victim thinking. How tiring. Time to make that conscious effort to elevate myself above this sad cynical negative pattern. I was reading Ann Mortifee last night. She has a beautiful way of reminding us to open our hearts; that rapture, reverence and grace are needed now. So I will be trying to rein in those pesky thoughts about the past and get back in the moment. Never easy for me but at least I can be more conscious of it.

So, other than that . . . here are four things I am loving right here in the NOW.

1.  Baby's Coffee from Key West - love the pecan flavor.
2. Jasmine Thompson singing in the background (Let Her Go).
3. 65 degree breeze blowing through the open window on the back of my neck.
4. Two little girls waiting patiently for their walk.

So thankful for my girls today. For getting me through the last four Thanksgivings and for giving me a reason to get up every morning.

Happy Thanksgiving. 

Wild and crazy weather here in the Fabulous Florida Keys, where we have had high winds and tropical rain for days. Last night there was a humungous crack of thunder that apparently even Lucy could hear so around 1am two hot furry quaking bodies suddenly landed in my bed. It was a wrestling match the rest of the night, trying to get them into their own beds. And listen to this my friends from the frigid north. The weatherman on TV told us it was going to get quite cold tonight and said, "I don't remember what 55 degrees feels like!" That's how cold it's going to get tonight.  hahaha

Felt eyes on me this afternoon and turned around to see this little guy looking in my second story window. Little serial killer after the birds.

I spotted these signs yesterday. They are posted on either side of the bridge at the end of my road. They say "I'm a married man named Steve. I cheat on my wife with other guys girls." And it gives the address right around the corner from me. Brilliant.
I. Love. It. Hope she left the jerk.

Ibis out for a snack during a break in the rain.

In other news, my red onion quilt tied for first place in our mini quilt show yesterday. Did I take a picture? No I did not. And I did not take any pictures of our riotous girls night out here last night. Doh! Actually, that's probably just as well.
And,

Yesterday was Gloria's birthday! You look fabulous, darling.

So weird going from the silence of life alone on a lake, well except for the wind and a little birdsong, to the land of leaf blowers, loud music and barking dogs. Not this morning though, while the tropical downpour keeps everybody indoors.

the view from my house this morning

And btw,

Happy Belated Birthday, Ben!

Got my calendar! My grand-nephew, Ben turned 2!

Patience you must have, my young padawan.

I heard myself laughing out loud yesterday in water aerobics and realized it's been a long time since I've felt that good. I've been living a rather solitary existence in Maine lately and it's lovely to be back in the warm weather with all my peeps!

The only thing weighing on my mind is my schedule. Left my calendar in Maine - thank you Sue, in advance, for sending it to me!!! - so can't remember birthdays, heartworm pills, and on and on. Forgive me if you were on my calendar and I promise I'll make it up to you!

So, I've been working hard at unpacking and organizing and last night I declared myself all moved in when Miss Elna took place of honor in my sewing room. Ready to go to work!

 Here is my little living room, Sophie in her bed after a day of swimming.

 And, my porch over the canal, Lucy napping on her bed.

 The view of my boat basin and

the tiki hut

My sunset view is over the rooftops now; no more open water, but still beautiful.

 
It's good to be home.

Home again

Well, I've arrived back in the Fabulous Florida Keys, moving in today, and not without a few setbacks. I finally found my phone, now dead, behind the driver's seat when I unpacked the car. No charger. And the keys to the Thule (which is the luggage box on top of Latoya) must have been with the charger because they were gone too. I scoured the inside of the car and upended everything I took out of the car. Not there. Oh, and forgot to say I broke the camera cable so no pictures. sigh

Radio Shack remedied the phone cord problem so I was able to call a locksmith who came out and charged me $100 to open the Thule. Super nice guy named Adam who then helped me unload it, so can't complain too much. Now I am waiting for the two geniuses who helped me pack up last year to come over so we can go empty my storage unit and I can move in.

That's my update. I'm exhausted. But oh so happy to be here. The girls are ecstatic. I don't think Sophie's dried off since we got here and Lulu has been snacking on all the delicious cat poop in the yard. mmm mmm good

Greetings from sunny Florida where it is COLD and WINDY! but then I am in the frigid north of the state. However, I'm getting ahead of myself (I lost my camera cable, then found it, then the camera quit working, then it worked again. I finally got it to give up the goods last night in North Carolina. PIA  Plus I was without wifi for a few days.)
ok . . . cue swirly going back in time music . . .

The first couple of shots are from Maine. I left there on Friday . . .

Sophie in her "don't shoot me, I'm not a deer" bandana

pretty chickens by the side of the road

. . . and stopped to see my sister and her husband outside of Boston the first night. My niece and nephew were not there - Anna at college and Will at a party - and it was just downright weird. I got a taste of the "emtpy nest syndrome" I hear about! It was wonderful to see Leslie and Tom though, as always.

Saturday, I stopped in Suffield, Connecticut where my niece, Ryder, is in her first year at Suffield Academy. The campus is really beautiful, as is she - so beautiful and talented. A volleyball player, dontcha know. She is doing great but her roommate SUCKS! Right, Ryder?

Suffield Academy

Ryder posing behind LaToya
and I see that the thule has shifted
to the driver's side. Zoiks!

I made it to Wilkes-Barre, PA after I left Ryder and stayed at something called The Host Inn. A surprisingly clean room in what appeared to be the headquarters for beer soaked crackheads whose gamut I had to run every time I took the girls out to pee on the postage stamp sized dirt patch on a cliff behind the motel. I was unable to take a picture as I had the leashes in one hand and the pepper spray in the other - ha!

seen on the road in PA - what the . . . ?

So, I met my friend, Stacy, in Frederick, MD for Sunday brunch and then we checked into a little cabin I rented online, our usual log cabin being unavailable. It was in Middletown, MD, about 500 square feet, built on the original footprint of a spring house, and you have permission to stick knitting needles in my eyes if I am ever stupid enough to rent it again. No central heat, it had a fireplace and a woodstove. (and it was freaking cold) I am an old hand at using both and I don't know what was blocking the chimney or if it just hadn't been cleaned in about a thousand years, but we lived and breathed smoke for two days. AWFUL. Everything I wore in that house stinks. Whenever we walked into a shop, I just know people were saying, what's burning??

cute - but looks can be deceiving!

The other issue was the stairs to the sleeping areas in the loft. More like a ladder actually. And for two women of a certain age, it was a challenge to go down to the bathroom in the middle of the night. And back up. Seriously! Also, Miss Lucy decided that she could not sleep downstairs without her mummy and although she could make it up the stairs, going down was not pretty and she had a couple of ugly skids and falls. oy

stairs blocked off (we thought) from the girls

It wasn't all bad, of course, because I always have a great time with my BFF, Stacy, and we had some laughs and some great dinners in the cabin. The kitchen worked. Well, except for the water. But don't get me started again!
Sophie naturally was, well, all about Sophie.

I got to Statesville, NC last night in more wind and snow showers (!) and we had a long slog to Florida today. I always feel so excited to see my first palm tree - it is great to be back in the sunshine state! We've landed at the Days Inn at Palm Coast - shout out! Great cheap motel. Although, when we got in the room, I turned on the news and they were talking about a murder that occurred across the street . . . never a dull moment in this girl's life!
The wind has been an issue for the whole trip, gusting to 50mph in some areas. Especially bad with LaToya and attached thule being so tall. When I crossed the bridge from Maine to NH, I was blown across two lanes of traffic! And, the last few days have been trying although LaToya has been handling it like a pro. It is always a crap shoot where the thule is going to be when I stop for the day. Don't know if that's normal or not . . . hmmmm
Ok, so now you are caught up. The girls and I are ready to be back in the warm weather and out of the car. If all goes well, we'll arrive in the Fabulous Florida Keys tomorrow and I'll pack away the jeans and jacket 'til next year.

mama's girl

That's all I got tonight.
Oh! Except to say I've heard my phone ringing several times today. It is in my car, I think I'm hearing it in the front passenger seat area, but I can't find the freaking thing in the mess that is the front seats. Sorry if that was you trying to call me. oy vey

we must help these people AND their animals - all of us

November 11, 2013

Preparing to Help Animals and People Following Typhoon Haiyan

The Humane Society of the United States

Typhoon Haiyan has struck with devastating force in the Philippines, and we have an experienced veterinary team on the ground in Cebu, the biggest island in the strike zone. 

While authorities struggle to organize and deliver humanitarian aid, we’re preparing an animal-focused response. Our team has already carried out an assessment of the northeast region of Cebu, and met with local officials to offer support. Our team is also preparing to visit two other hard-hit islands as soon as the needed clearance is received. We’ll work in close cooperation with local and federal officials to provide comprehensive aid for both humans and animals.

For the last four years, Humane Society International has stationed personnel in the Philippines as part of its worldwide street dog relief campaign. They’re familiar with the country, close to its people, and committed to helping animals in crisis.

HSI and its affiliate, The Humane Society of the United States, stand ready to respond when disaster strikes, wherever that may be.

A dreary moment for rumination on this dreary subject (or how to beat a dead horse)

     and btw, I've always hated that saying.

So I haven't posted in a while because it is that time of year again, one of those times I miss my husband the most.  

I haven't posted because nobody wants to hear about this crap anymore. I get that! I should be over him, over the divorce, over his betrayal. You'd think a heart would mend faster when it has been betrayed - I certainly want it to - but logic and desire apparently have nothing to do with healing. I read recently that a divorce is like a controlled explosion: everyone on the outside is ok. The worst thing is no one else is in it with you. That's why I don't write about it every freaking day because that's how often I still think about it. Every day. How pathetic is that? 

I'm not saying that I don't bear some blame here but so what? I was a faithful wife whose story started and ended with her husband. The man who promised to love and cherish should have tried harder to honor his vows. When it comes to honor, the bastard has no clue. But that's a sociopath for you.   I digress . . . 

On a much cheerier note, here is why I miss him so much right now:

BECAUSE THE A-HOLE IS NOT HERE TO HELP ME CLOSE THE HOUSE, PICK UP, PACK UP, help with the dogs and drive a trillion miles.  Because I'm in a hell hole in Pennsylvania (surprisingly clean) full of scary lowlifes. 

NOT for any other reason. That is progress!! Listen, I don't forgive him and maybe I never will and I DO know I am better off without him. Am I bitter? Hell yeah! But despair can anesthetize you into a stupor - been there done that - so I choose to channel my pissedoffedness into ANGER right now because it gives me the adrenaline to get these things done. And, I should be over this in about 2 weeks. (Of course, the holidays are coming. oy vey) 

Time (again) for walking into the future, away from anger and disappointment and regret, to believe that my future is NOT a well of endless lament. Even if it is tonight. 

So, I am taking the dogs out now, taking my pepper spray and running the gauntlet of beer soaked smokers outside the front door of the hotel. They are men.  Of course.

ADDENDUM:  My friend, Sue from Key Largo, just called me to say she would help me unload when I get to Florida. She is worth a hundred of my former husband easily. (and she is in her 70s  ;)

Well, I woke up totally PO'd this morning and for that I am glad.

On Thursday night, I had an intruder at my house. The creepiest part was that he was watching me when I walked the girls before bed and then through my window before I shut the lights off and he made himself known. I had a bad day yesterday thinking about why he was here. On the one hand it was Halloween. On the other hand, he would have had to drive a mile down a dirt road to a cluster of closed summer cottages - why?

So yesterday, I covered my windows, I locked my doors and  I went downtown and bought some pepper spray. I took the pepper spray with me when I walked the dogs - and let me tell you, it was a short scary sprint - and it went to bed with me, along with my phone and a club.


No activity over night and as I said, I woke up pissed off to the max. I've said many times in this blog that a wonderful side effect to becoming a marital discard is that I no longer have any fear of anything (well, except snakes but forget that for now.) And, I am not going to be afraid now. I DARE anybody to come down here and make me afraid because I will kick some a$$, or at least spray you in the face with capsicum.

My affirmation from Louise Hay this morning?  The door of my heart is wide open and I am safe.  Words to live by.

Poetry in Motion

Happy 7th birthday to my eldest grand-niecie:  the FABULOUS Lucia!

this and that

My friend, Sue, and I took a trip to the teeming metropolis of Portland and made our usual shopping stops at Trader Joe's and Whole Foods. I felt like Country Mouse in the big city.

This is the display outside of Whole Foods and will you just look at the displays in that store! Holy crapoli, it's amazingly beautiful! It's art! - I ain't never seen nothin' like it! (That's my inner country mouse talking.)

wow!

Also wanted to show you how angry the Lake is today. Blowing a gale and cold like you wouldn't believe. As you can see, I finally got my stuff put away. Now Chris has to come out in his chest waders and put the dock up. I don't know what he's going to do about the float. Should have taken it in when Barbie Dreamboat was in the water. It will be of entertainment value as I watch from my warm and toasty perch on the other side of the window . . . (sorry Chris).

And, here is my latest UFO.  I started it on my quilting cruise last spring and did not have much interest in it until I got quite rabid about finishing it the other day when I decided to add the palm tree to the landscape. Probably from thinking about going to the land of palm trees. Sewed and glued the shells on and used buttons for the coconuts. The palm tree is somehow not in perspective but what the heck. I like it. Especially the shimmery waves. It's the first time I've made a knife edge binding and just have to tack it down in the back.  What do you think?

And, here is Sophie begging for a real roar of a fire instead of this pitiful little flame.

I'm cold, mummy! When are we going to Florida?