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Miss Sophie   2003? - 2016

smiling girlie 

I've lost my very best friend in the whole wide world. We loved each other unconditionally. And she was all I had left. I'm having a hard time coping but I am pretty well acquainted with the "This Too Shall Pass" concept by now, aren't I?

It became clear this summer that Sophie would not be able to make the trip south this year so we lived each day together bonded in love and, for the last few months, in a sort of doggie hospice, the number one goal being quality of life and minimal pain. My girl was such a good sport, such a fighter and so willing to do anything to make me happy. It was my job to do the same for her. I left her only to go to work or on errands, took her with me when she was feeling good, and left her home when she needed to rest. We treasured every second together and when we were home, I don't think we were more than three feet apart ever. Slept in her bed together for the last few weeks.

The hardest thing I have ever had to do was take her to the vet and have her put to death. People say "put to sleep" or "put down" but that's not what happens really. I waited and waited for somebody to help me, but ultimately it had to be my decision to have her life taken away. It was me and her and I did it because it was the kindest thing I could think of and it was horrible. I felt her warm breath on my cheek and then her body go cold under my hand; the most horrendous thing I have ever gone through. I have no regrets; I only wish I could erase it from my psyche.

I'm not handling her loss that well but I've left Maine now and hoping a change of scene will help. Pulling in to rest stops when I can't control the anguish. It is so strange to live alone, travel alone, be completely alone. Nobody left to put me first, to love me the most, and ditto. So grateful for the time we did have...

That chin on my knee with those big brown eyes and the wild eyelashes gazing up at me with love every single night. Well, I just miss her so much.