I start to cry every time I drive by my old home. I was so happy here. Such a loss. In so many ways. It is now under foreclosure and sits empty with "no trespassing" on the gate. I've started to drive in a few times but then I think, why do this to myself?
So, I went to see a shrink. And, I rest my case when I say that members of the psychiatric community in general are crazier than the average bear. No exception here. She was crazier than a rat in a shoebox. But let me back up.
When I had my annual physical, my doctor said she thought I was depressed and might want to talk with someone. She is right. I am having a hard time moving on since my husband left. And, it has been over two years!! I am continuing to let the past define me and no matter how intellectually aware I am of my victim mindset and the need to move on, viscerally I still feel like one. I want to be more than what I am. I just don't know how to get there. So, yes I need help with that.
One thing the shrink said was that there is nothing wrong with being stuck. It is normal and it is what happens when you are suffering from post traumatic stress. She said that is what is wrong with me. She then proceeded to tell me that it took her four years to get over the infidelity and break-up of her marriage. Seriously. Is everyone over the age of 50 divorced??? She also told me I was codependent because I ended up letting my husband define me and that I lived for his validation and approval. True to some extent, but I kind of felt like she was talking about herself . . . anyhoo, she wants me to go to a Coda group. Which is like AA for codependent people. oy vey
All I can say is that I'm sick of feeling sad and empty and maybe if I can admit that and that I need help, I've taken a positive step.