Last night when I got home from work, I went to sit on the dock and our old boat whizzed by, a stranger at the wheel. I felt stunned.

I loved that boat. My husband sold it out from under me before I even got back to Maine last spring.

It occurs to me that while I surround myself with things from our past, he divorced himself, not just from me, but from everything that was our life. Everything.

I am in our sweet little cottage with my beloved dogs, my rocking chair, my toothbrush. He is in a new place, surrounded by new furniture, new art (presumably), a new partner, new everything.

My grandma would have said, "he's a cold fish." Indeed.

Friends advised me to sell everything, start anew, make new memories. I can understand the wisdom of this. But, I am surrounded by things I love and the memories won't be painful ones forever. Let's face it: I was happy for many many years, leading what I thought was a charmed life, and one day I'll look back with fondness and gratitude.

Someday, I'll see our old boat go by and think, Oh, I loved that boat. Remember that wonderful day when we . . . ?

To say this bag was a challenge would be the understatement of the decade. I'm telling you, Sue and I were absolutely hysterical, as in laugh 'til you cry and believe me, we did a lot of both! I ripped the straps out of this bag three times and when I got it wrong the fourth time, I took a pair of scissors to them (which I later regretted. oy)

We finally had to quit for the day. So, yesterday morning we got back together and after much cursing and a broken needle (mine), rather than open a vein, Sue gave up and went home to "lie in my recliner."

I finally finished up and here it is and I don't want to look at it any more. In all fairness to Sue and me, the pattern SUCKS, the instructions are WRONG, and I say to the author, watch out because Sue is gonna git you! (This means you, Vicki!)  So, if you think you might like this bag, it is yours. Be the first to comment, if you want it. (But, why would you?)

Here is day's end at my house. Sweet.

Props to the Mammography Department at Miles Memorial Hospital. Caring, gentle and efficient. They are the best. MMH! Represent!

I am doing well, thanks for asking. I have been sewing and sewing and sewing and taking long doggy walks in the rain, and truly living in the moment, being conscious of the sad but reveling in the glad.  It seems that once again I've been allowing my husband's actions and the divorce define me. I guess I needed a little wake-up call and he provided it. Can't get lazy about letting those dark forces back in. Reading "A New Earth" with Ekhart Tolle always helps, tai chi, yoga, meditation and I have gotten out of some of these habits. So. Back on track now. (Although, I did tai chi on my dock this morning and Sophie tried to push me in!)

And, I've been wanting to brag about being off the sleeping pills after these last two years, waiting for a good solid month before I told you,  and indeed I have been for the last two weeks, until three nights ago that is. But, back on track last night and got a restful 30 minutes or so. oy  Ok, more like 3 or 4 hours but some of you know what I mean.

The only draw-back to all the sewing is that my neck and shoulders are practically paralyzed. Break out the BioFreeze and wish Dr. Lu were here!

Daybreak at my cottage

A gorgeous beginning to the day this morning. Rain moving out and sun on the way. . .
I had such a wonderful day yesterday with my friend, Sue. She came over on a prearranged playdate and we spent the day sewing. Here she is, totally unaware I am taking her picture, a complicated place in the pattern. Will show you the finished project after our next session.

In the meantime, here is Ben's diaper bag for Sarah. I used this pattern for Carla's bag also and I have to say, third time will be a charm. Still finessing the pattern. Love the fabric though; I got it at the World Quilt Show last month.

And just one more. Patient puppies waiting for me to finish in the grocery store.

 No need to remind me how lucky I am. In spite of the occasional meltdown, I truly am grateful for my life every single day. Would not trade with anyone. (Just stopped and tried to think if that is really true. And, it is!)

Once again, I've gotten away from my "rules to live by," what I call my Handbook. My problems seem to occur under the heading of Personality: *Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment. *Forget issues of the past. That will ruin your present happiness. *Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others. *Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present. *No one is in charge of your happiness except you. 

Unless I am vigilant, I slide right back into the past. The mind is so sneaky that way. So, this morning, as I look out at rainfall on the Lake, the opposite shore barely visible through the foggy mist, I pick up my old friend, Eckhart Tolle, to try once again to put myself in the present moment.

My well-thumbed book opens to a page titled, "How the pain-body feeds on your thoughts." Wow (Eckhart Tolle calls that dark shadow cast by the ego the "pain-body.")  He says, the pain-body "may get triggered by an event at any time. The pain-body that is ready to feed can use the most insignificant event as a trigger, something somebody says or does, or even a thought. If you live alone or there is nobody around at the time, the pain-body will feed on your thoughts. Suddenly, your thinking becomes deeply negative. You were most likely unaware that just prior to the influx of negative thinking a wave of emotion invaded your mind - as a dark and heavy mood, as anxiety or fiery anger." Again, wow. (Although I was aware of that wave of emotion.)

He goes on to say that happy, positive thoughts are "indigestible" to the pain-body; it can only feed on negative thoughts because only those thoughts are compatible with its own energy field. He also says that we become addicted to unhappiness, that it is not so much that I can't stop my train of negative thoughts, but that I don't want to. Oh, I don't like that. I don't like it at all. I think the pain-body is like a psychic parasite and I have got to rid myself of it.

So, today I consciously choose to be present. I do recognize the link between emotional pain and my thoughts - my sneaky mind. Tolle says the only way to diminish the pain-body is not through fighting it but through bringing the light of consciousness to it. Today, I put attention on the old painful emotions but I no longer try to resist them and in that way they cannot control my thinking. Does that make sense?

I am feeling positive today and content with my lot in life. Let's review, shall we?

HANDBOOK 

Health:

1.          Drink plenty of water.

2.         Eat breakfast like a queen, lunch like a princess and dinner like a beggar.

3.         Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is  manufactured in plants.

4.         Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy

5.         Make time to meditate.

6.         Play more games.

7.         Read more books than you did in 2009.

8.         Be in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

9.         Sleep for 7 hours.

10.        Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

11.         Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

12.         Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

13.         Don't overdo. Keep your limits.

14.         Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

15.         Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

16.         Dream more while you are awake.

17.         Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

18.         Forget issues of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

19.         Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

20.         Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present. 

21.         No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

22.         Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.  Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

23.         Smile and laugh more.

Society:

24.         Call your family often.

25.         Each day give something good to others.

26.         Forgive everyone for everything. 

27.         Try to make at least three people smile each day.

28.         What other people think of you is none of your business.

29.         Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

30.         Do the right thing!

31.         Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

32.         However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

33.         No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

34.         The best is yet to come. 

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Such beautiful autumn weather we're having - the very best time in Maine, in my opinion. So, I spent the morning with the girls and then met my BFF for some apple pickin' in Hope, Maine.

 Look at this gorgeous day . . .

 and the fruits of our labors.

In other news, when I heard that my little grand-nephew, Seth, had become a baseball aficionado, I was inspired to put together this little quilt for him. I think it came out pretty cute! Don't know if you can make out the center but it is a baseball diamond (and if I never see another piece of fabric with baseballs on it, it will be too soon.) All for the love of Seth!

A beautiful sunrise this morning with temps in the 40's. I needed the heater all night and got a fire going in the fireplace this morning.

So the girls and I took a walk this morning to survey the damage. They are "harvesting" the mile or so of woods where I live. I understand they are doing it responsibly but I kind of feel about it like I do about hunting. Go ahead, but not with an unfair advantage. You want to kill a moose? Mano-a-mano, baby. No guns - just go in there and get him -- if you can. Same way with the forest: no fair using all that machinery. Grab your axe and do your worst. Anyway, what used to look like this:

now looks like this:

Makes me sad and I briefly entertained the idea of chaining myself to the skidder but I hadn't had my coffee yet so . . .
Anyhoo, I title this next shot "deer in the headlights."

And, here is the camera hog. The dog loves having her picture taken.

Ok, so yesterday I'm getting dressed for work and I walk into the kitchen in my bathrobe with undies in hand and there on my porch is Bill Murray's evil twin! I swear I am not making this up! I never heard him drive down the driveway.

He apparently was here to read the electric meter but I had the self-reading one put in last month and he sort of mumbled something about that. The dogs barked their heads off at him, busted out the door and then did their best to make him feel welcome. oy He asked me when I was going back to Florida (I figure he saw the plate,)  said he was glad all the seasonal people had left . . . creepy, right?
So, last night I am watching my usual inappropriately scary selection of Special Victims Unit and NCIS LA, etc. online and the dogs go busting out of the house barking their heads off. Oh great, I think, Bill Murray's evil twin is out there. I called and called and they finally came back 20 minutes later. I totally figured I didn't need to walk them after that and locked the doors and emailed my BFF to tell her if she didn't hear from me by 7am, B.M.'s evil twin had gotten me and to find someone to feed the dogs.
Safe and sound this morning. But vigilant! Ever vigilant . . .

In other news, I was (once again) cursing my husband's name as I lugged in a 40 pound bag of dog food when the side split and the food came cascading out. I couldn't believe it. Lu and Sophie were in hog heaven, let me tell you, while I am screaming NO GET OUT STOP EATING. Yeah, right. Lots of gas passed during the evening. Lovely.

And that is all for now.

So, with two new grand-babies on the way, I got to thinking about burp cloths (oooh, I don't like that name) this morning when I went for a walk and I had an inspiration. So, when I got home I went to work. 

I sort of measured myself and then, not having a baby immediately available, I got Piggy to fill in so I would (hopefully) get back and front lengths right.

I used a little bowl for the neck cut-out. 

Here is the cutout and I then sewed right sides together, turned them and topstitched.

Here is Piggy pretending to burp so I can see if it will work.

Voila! Here are two of the finished product. Love that Dr. Seuss fabric.

So, I think that will work but if any mother out there wants to give me some input, I'm all ears.

And, here is Lucy, asking Mom? What's up with the pig??

So, apropos of September 11th, I planted two Invincibelle Spirit hydrangeas yesterday. Isn't that so perfect?

Last night I finished what I call Harvey's Quilt for Janene. My friend, Janene's husband died of cancer last year and she gave me his shirts to make into a quilt for her. Here it is.

When I couldn't sleep last night, I got up and tried to read through the list of thousands murdered on 9/11/01. Sobering, to say the least. I'm sure we all remember where we were when it happened ten years ago.

Today, a therapeutic day in the garden and lunch with my BFF, full of gratitude for what I HAVE, treasuring every moment of today, and not thinking about anything else.

deja vu all over again

So, I haven't been posting much for the usual reason. A bit of depression and a lot of frustration, thanks to he who shall remain nameless. I have been writing, just not posting.

One wants to move on. One needs to. One thinks one is moving on. Okay, not "one" but,  f--ing ME! Two years and two months since he left. He wanted the divorce and you would think he'd want a clean break. But nooo, he has spent over two years playing these games, and now, now that it is over? .  . . . oh wait a minute - hold the phone! It's NOT over. How can it be? When my car is still in his name? When I can't file my 2010 tax return? When my name is on HIS mortgage debt for the home he took away from me. Over? No, it's not.

I have done everything I am supposed to do. Signed away my rights to my home, given up on trying to recoup the money he stole, given him Harvey, lost my medical insurance . . . So these last few weeks, once again I am in my old familiar position of sitting up half the night and looking out at the dark. Miserable. How ridiculous is that? I thought I was done with this crap. Tell it to me, again, Lu-Elaine,

This too shall pass . . .

But When??

Ok, so having finally posted that, I feel marginally better. 

So, doesn't everyone start the day by getting a urine sample from her dog? Hmm? And, of course it was raining as I followed her down the road in my bathrobe, with a pan lid at the ready. Lucy finished her antibiotics yesterday. And, excuse me but does little Lu look just a bit like a Mercat?

Seriously! Same expression.

Spent yesterday sewing for Baby Benjamin but not before whipping up this cute little bag. Fun and easy. And, I'll show you the baby stuff later . . .

In Tune by Ten

Listening to and loving Bonnie Raitt's new album on my favorite show this morning. She's always right on the money, isn't she.


Sleepless nights aren't so bad 
I'm staying up, I'm staying sad 
I don't want anything to change 
I don't want anything to change
I like it lonely I like it strange 
I don't want anything to change

You left a mess you're everywhere 
I'd pick it up but I don't dare 
I don't want anything to change 
I don't want anything to change 
There's nothing I would rearrange 
I don't want anything to change

I can feel you fading 
But until you're gone 
I'm taking all the time I can borrow 
The getting over is waiting 
But I won't move on 
And I'm gonna wanna feel the same tomorrow

I know the truth is right outside 
But for the moment it's best denied 
I don't want anything to change

I can feel you fading 
But until you're gone 
I'm taking all the time I can borrow 
The getting over is waiting 
But I won't move on 
And I'm gonna wanna feel the same tomorrow

And I don't want anything to do 
With what comes after you 
I don't want anything to change 
I don't want anything to change 
I don't want anything to change

These, my friends, are red leaves. Yes, it is that time of year when the days are shorter, the mornings are chilly and now this. The leaves are turning colors and fall is upon us. So, what happened to summer??

I'm not all that pleased with myself for how I spent my summer. I did the necessary as far as moving out of my home and saying good-bye to my neighbors. The boat sold. I misunderstood the promise of teaching quilting and that sort of threw a wrench into my plans. So, I worked this summer and kept up with my volunteer stuff. Tried not to feel sorry for myself. Way too much of that. It was a lonely summer. I didn't feel lonely, don't get me wrong. Pretty content actually. Just sort of cut off from the world. I didn't have the normal influx of visitors or do any traveling.

And, now I'm thinking of the Counting Crows song that says, August and Everything After, you get a little less than you expected, somehow . . .

A little melancholy tonight; perhaps it's all of those red leaves.