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Two days ago, I was forced to assassinate the biggest spider known to man. (I apologized and told him, live and let live, but not in my house.) He was in my bathtub. It was not too bad as I filled up a water jug with hot water and washed him toward the drain while turning on the shower and down he went. I ran the shower for a good five minutes just to be sure . . .
Well. Last night I got home late, so tired, fed the dogs, sat in my chair and looked around.  Across from me, on the wall, the MOST biggest spider known to man (obviously a relative of #1 come to seek revenge.) Just look at him!!

Now, the wall is a bit different from the tub. No using water to take care of him. No drain to send him down. I totally am not afraid of spiders (I'm not afraid I'm not afraid I'm not afraid I'm not afraid) but this was an extreme case. Seriously, this spider could have carried Sophie away.
I checked my arsenal. I rejected the more benign sprays in my house, like benadryl, linen spray, even the windex. Out came the Clorox Clean-up. I backed away and pulled the trigger. The spider leapt from the wall - yes, leapt - and ran for cover. I continued firing as he took refuge under a basket of kindling. I gave it a moment and then grabbed the fireplace poker and moved the basket. He did a speedwalk toward the floor heater, obviously undeterred by the cleaner. Now, it was him or me. I may have emitted a few modest and feminine shrieks because the dogs started taking a nutty. So, I let them out and went to the shed to check for a more lethal solution. Ahhhhhh, yes: Ant and Roach Killer, range of 20 feet. Yesssss Back in the house and I shone a flashlight under the heater, saw a leg sticking out. Gotcha! I aimed and shot. Got him. He catapulted - yes, catapulted - out from under the heater and did cartwheels across the floor, coming STRAIGHT AT ME. I fired again and he went down. Again I pulled the trigger, and after a couple of twitches, he was gone.
Well, not actually gone because now I not only had poison all over the floor, I had a giant corpse to dispose of. So, after a brief respite, I cleaned the floor up but how pathetic is this? His body is still in place with two towels covering it. I went looking for a snow shovel to pick him up with - I swear I am not making this up - but I don't have one. I'll get to it later.