.

I read these words about my life by Marsha Willett the other night and it put me in a downward spiral, culminating in this lonely depressing day.

"The empowering must always go with the one who leaves: the abandoned one, stranded flat-footed and humiliated amongst the wreck of the relationship, watches the still-beloved one starting a new exciting journey, whilst the unloved one faces each grey, featureless day and cold, endless night with all the betrayal and despair. . . death was terrible too, but at least you were allowed to cling to the love you'd shared and could relive the tenderness; you could mentally flip through your happy memories, tiny scenes of intimacy neither spoiled by bitterness nor denied by those who need to trash the past so as to justify a new shiny future with someone else."

My friend Kate says that kind of thinking gives my ex-husband the power. He always had the power anyway. It was quite easy to get right back into victim mode. But it's my birthday so I'm wallowing. Poor pitiful me.

I'll be over it by the morning.